I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
