we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
