He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
