Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
