Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
