I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He has the fingertips of a God
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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