so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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