she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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