Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
There was a lot of him and a little penis
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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