You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Randomize
