I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
