Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
