my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
