a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
