I'm jealous of your bromance
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
