omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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