if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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