It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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