Banned from zoo.
Again?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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