i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The police scanner is talking about you again....
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up