All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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