I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
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