Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
false alarm, still single
Randomize
