Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.