theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter