So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.