Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.