rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
