Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
