i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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