It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
