Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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