It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
