Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
