just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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