she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
