The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
