If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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