no, he came in my armpit
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
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MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
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It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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