I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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