I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
23 People Have Step Parents That Are Younger Than Them
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.