Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(815): View more from Illinois

I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.

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(979): View more from Texas

so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.

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(216): View more from Ohio

It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.

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(479): View more from Arkansas

I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.

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25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Read it at the TFLN blog
(716): View more from New York

So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.

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(870): View more from Arkansas

What's the big deal? you guys fuck

(1-870): View more from Arkansas

3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times

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(201): View more from New Jersey

When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking

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(443): View more from Maryland

.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate

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