just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.