Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
