she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
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She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
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She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....