the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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