I just pynch a tree in the face
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
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