Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
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i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter