Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
