listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
