Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
