a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
