we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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