Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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