Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
