After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
