Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
