life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Nicole vs. Life
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
