The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I think i got beer on your cat.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
