i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stole a fireplace last night.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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