Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
