If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
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i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
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This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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