Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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