I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Less talking, more tequila
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
