1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
worst night to have a conscience
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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