I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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