Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
