I can tuck mytits in my pants
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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