it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
