I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
