i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
